connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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