I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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