I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
