that's an acceptable place to lick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
