Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
