it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
