I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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