So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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