at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
