After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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