If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
