I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She said her name was "party"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
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Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice