I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.