margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.