Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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