every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can I color on your dick again?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
