i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My cat gives me a boner
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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