508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.