Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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(586): i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning http://tfl.nu/zcz6

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(703): View more from Virginia

how do you have sooo much energy?

(571): View more from Virginia

billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week

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(703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571): billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week http://tfl.nu/czgq

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(864): View more from South Carolina

u downloaded tardy 4 the party

(864): View more from South Carolina

then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record

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(864): u downloaded tardy 4 the party (864): then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record http://tfl.nu/h7n2

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

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(781): my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about http://tfl.nu/1vap

Replies (27) Good night (1512) Bad night (6879)
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(315): View more from New York

in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."

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(315): in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me." http://tfl.nu/9q0b

Replies (4) Good night (4056) Bad night (793)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.

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(248): Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/6oxt

Replies (17) Good night (4366) Bad night (1354)
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(330): View more from Ohio

come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned

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(330): come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned http://tfl.nu/3008

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(519): View more from Ontario

ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.

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(519): ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar. http://tfl.nu/yprb

Replies (5) Good night (2526) Bad night (1127)
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(330): View more from Ohio

All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.

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(330): All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold. http://tfl.nu/zmz2

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

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(484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg

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(214): View more from Texas

The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

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(214): The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become http://tfl.nu/8je0

Replies (6) Good night (3002) Bad night (1165)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?

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(570): I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to? http://tfl.nu/dwjv

Replies (3) Good night (1164) Bad night (956)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.

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(701): Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically. http://tfl.nu/syut

Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (1431)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.

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(503): I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight. http://tfl.nu/rrui

Replies (8) Good night (2874) Bad night (876)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has

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(860): Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has http://tfl.nu/jd7y

Replies (2) Good night (865) Bad night (517)

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