Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
