My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
