You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
