don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
