I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
