How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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