Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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