everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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