We're facebook friends in real life
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
