And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
