So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
