spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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