i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
