dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize