I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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