I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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