I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
