party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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