she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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