'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
