We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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