There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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