Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
