mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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