You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
