Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
