Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
