dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
