your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
