I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
