You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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