I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
