I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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