I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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