I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
