So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
