you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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