That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
