I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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