he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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