With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
