mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
