1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
People in love make me want to vomit
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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