The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I could fuck to npr.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
