Your dad touched me again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
