Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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