i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
