My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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