The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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