so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
