Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
