She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
