Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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