Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
