Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
