My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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