names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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