My room smells like vodka and shame
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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